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Where’s Emily Post when you need her?

Hello my nerdy friends! I finally had an experience that lifted me out of my non-blog-writing funk. And, oh, what an interesting one.

My boyfriend and I decided to go to a comedy club Friday night on the spur of the moment (thank you, Groupon). We get there, and the venue is relatively small. It’s tucked away in the back corner of a shopping center, and features shows of all kinds from musical theater to dance shows.

We were seated at a cute little table at the very front of the room. This immediately makes for a bit of apprehension because we know those front row seats have targets painted on them. Then, as the rest of the patrons are seated, it becomes clear that it will be a small crowd. There were about 20 people in the entire theater. As luck would have it, the two loudest people in the room had the table directly behind us –  An unnatural redhead with what looks like permanent lipliner, and her date, who looks like he belongs right at home in a biker bar. They both look about 50-something.

The host for the evening got the first taste of this couple’s antics. The redheaded woman loudly repeats anything she finds particularly hilarious. She may think she’s repeating it to herself, but I think the entire theater knows better. Her bald date seems relatively quiet with the exception of all the talking the two of them are doing during the comedy show.

When the next comedian takes the stage, surprise! They’re still talking. This continued through two more comedians. One tried to ignore the outbursts and constant talking. The other tried to make a joke out of it, thinking that bringing attention to them would be enough to make his point. Sadly, no.

Then, the main headliner took the stage. Not two sentences into his routine, the redhead shouts at the top of her lungs “YOU LOOK LIKE CLAY AIKEN!” Everyone laughs a little nervously. The comedian retorts “Sure, let’s talk about what you want to talk about. It’s not like I’ve been writing this stuff for moths or anything.” They banter for a minute or two about why she thinks he looks like Clay Aiken, and then we get back on track. However, it’s not long before the couple is talking amongst themselves and the comedian has to stop to turn his attention to them…again. It is at this point we turn a corner in the evening. So let me pause for a moment and ask you what you would have done.

I certainly don’t know what the right answer was, but I can tell you what I did. The comedian was trying to tell them once again to be quiet and I heard redhead’s date ask “What does he want? What did he say?” So I thought I was being helpful by turning around and demonstrating what the comedian was requesting. I did the international symbol for silence: a finger across the lips.

Well, apparently they had each had too many drinks to take that sort of impertinence. For the remainder of the headliner’s set, every time I laughed, the redhead shushed me. I chose to ignore her, since it was obvious she didn’t understand generally accepted comedy club etiquette. And then it got worse.

The comedian had to stop AGAIN to tell them to shut up. This time he didn’t try to make a joke out of it. He told them they were distracting the other people in the theater and that they needed to stop talking. Baldy is now angry. “F- you, man. What the f- is your problem? We’re just trying to have a good time.” Wow. After what seems like an eternity of awkwardness, the comedy continues through the end of the show.

Redhead decides to come up to us afterward and demonstrate both her inability to understand what was happening and her unwillingness to listen to reason. “I’m sorry I came here to have a good time and try to laugh. Apparently we shouldn’t have come here. I just want you to learn one thing. Don’t judge. Don’t judge.”

At this point, we’re laughing. We’re not really sure why she’s so upset or why judging her has anything to do with her lack of public manners. Her boyfriend even suggests that maybe my boyfriend wants to “take it outside.”

Sorry to disappoint you all, but there was no fight. All the way home we were alternating between disbelief that this actually happened and extreme amusement about the whole experience.

Mind your manners, people. You never know who’s going to write a blog about your embarrassing behavior.

Incorrigible (adj.): 1. not reformable   2. not manageable

If your everyday behavior is incorrigible, perhaps you should stay home. Take a class, your fellow humans will thank you.

Want to know why there are vocab words in my blog posts? Check out Toilet Terms.

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