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Float like a butterf-….[thud]…I’m ok!

I am a klutz. Anyone who knows me personally can attest to this. If there is something to bump into, fall over, trip on, or spill, I will find a way. How many people can say they have tripped and fallen onto their face in a moving elevator? Yeah, pretty much just me.

This makes exercise classes especially amusing for everyone around me. Luckily, I have enough of a sense of humor to be able to laugh at myself. After ruling out all of my usual tripping and other klutziness, I decided to look at my track record for workouts.

  1. I lost my balance in a yoga class doing warrior 2 and fell on my side.
  2. My not-so-graceful attempt to touch my toes to the floor above my head during Pilates was so amusing, my workout partner had to stop because she was laughing so hard.
  3. I failed to guess the right amount of weight resistance necessary on an assisted dip machine…the clunking sound drew a lot of attention when I went straight to the floor.
  4. In an attempt to show my roommate an example exercise from a workout dvd, I slipped on the carpet and landed on my butt.
  5. While running on a treadmill, my iPod fell out of my pocket, disconnected from my ear buds, and dropped to the floor. I forgot to push the stop button before attempting to get down and retrieve it and caught my shoe on the edge of the moving treadmill. Thankfully I didn’t actually fall, just wobbled a bit before catching myself on the side rail.

…the list goes on.

My point is, I try. Most recently, I joined LA Boxing. My theory was that in a small class size, with someone else directing the movement, and lots of padding, there’s a good chance I can escape without maiming myself.

Boxing gloves in use in a professional kickbox...

Yeah…right. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have now been to two classes with decent outcomes (decent = no first aid necessary). During my first boxing class, I quickly realized that bobby pins just won’t hack it for my hair during all that jumping around. When the bobby pins start falling out, you can try to push them back in, except the boxing gloves don’t allow for much dexterity. So you just end up looking like an idiot touching the back of your head with a glove. You can try to take off the boxing glove, but that would result in being behind in the class and would probably earn you a scowl from the MMA-trained instructor. Better not.

After that class, I had to look up what was sore on Web MD because I didn’t even realize the human body HAD muscles there…I also discovered that I need to buy arm pads, or wear sleeves. The instructors have us doing a lot of exercises on the rough carpet, and I managed to walk away with some unpleasant rug burn.

After the second class, more rug burn. I really need to figure out what to do about that. Thankfully the only other thing that happened was during something called a bear crawl. About 3/4 of the way through our last lap of those, my toe caught the carpet on the way to take a step and I went down onto my elbows. I didn’t face plant, though. That’s a plus!

I remain optimistic that klutzy people can successfully work out. There should be a klutz support group. I would totally go!

Are you a klutz, or do you know one? I’d love to hear your stories. =)

Castigate (v.): to subject to severe punishment, reproof, or criticism

If you find yourself next to a klutz at the gym, and you notice them bumbling around, try not to castigate them too much for their petty efforts. You might actually be seeing them on a good day.

Wondering what the deal is with the vocab words? Click here.

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